Definition: Romance is the expressive and pleasurable feeling from an emotional attraction towards another person associated with love. - Wikipedia
For sometime now, I have had this notion that romance is bloated and unnecessary. But then again I was only reacting to what is being portrayed on social media and on print.
On social media you get to see people put up profile pictures with hearts and brightly colour text saying or claiming to love someone or to love themselves. Being the human that I am, I naturally cringe at the thought. I have seen folks who wish to be surprised by candle-in-the-bathroom kinda stuff and also honeymoon et al. It always came across to me as crap.
But what really is romance? Why is it so important to we humans? Is it really what the media claim it is? Or do people generally have a wrong idea of how romance is expressed?
On Tuesday, 23rd September 2014, I engaged an older woman in a conversation about romance. I told her I am beginning to think that the concept of romance is being blown out of proportion and that it is an unnecessary inconvenience considering that it makes one feel incompetent or jealous when one cannot replicate what one sees other folks doing on social media and being all emotional about it. She educated me that day.
"Romance is oil for the wheel of love", she said. I pondered on that for a few minutes and then asked her to please explain what she means by that.
That was when she took me to school.
When a man and woman who are emotionally attracted to each other come together in an institution of marriage, over time, the passion begins to wane as life begins to get more serious. The love/passion that initially existed between them begins to face some difficulty as communication is gradually broken down and two lovers begin to become like strangers.
"Love is like a living thing", she said. "It needs to be nurtured and cared for." When you love someone, you should be willing to accept them for who they are and to occasionally express your affection by actions which speak larger volumes.
She told me the tale of a couple for over 15 years who went to see a marriage counselor that they have become strangers and they don't love each other anymore. The counselor asked the man the last time he told his wife he loved her? The last time he commented on her appearance or generally showed any form of concern, care or emotion? Frankly, the man looked down and said the last time he did that was the week of their wedding.
Apparently, the woman had tried to salvage the marriage on several occasion but the man would rather be left alone to work and "provide for the family".
She ended by saying that if one would not be ready or willing to display affection, one should not venture into such an institution as marriage as it was designed to be a life time commitment to one's spouse emotionally and otherwise.
Any emotional association needs the continuous show of affection to be sustained. It is OK to want sometime for yourself occasionally (me times), but never starve your spouse of your attention. Pay attention to details. Notice when her hair changes, or when his cologne changes. Comment on each other's activity. Notice each other's state of mind and be willing to respond affectionately whenever the need arises. Be involved directly in each other's lives. That's the reason why you came together in the first place. That way we can gradually eradicate marital violence and marital infidelity. Never try to see your association as a "war zone".
"No one who loves you would intentionally want to inflict pain on you"
Let's make this world a better place for ourselves and for our children.
The end.
