This Love thing sef

So much has been written and said about the concept of the word "LOVE". Entire volumes and whole series of audiovisual contents are available on this subject matter. But if it really is what they say it is, why is there so much dissatisfaction from what people call love today?

Love is expressed as an action and experienced as a feeling.

Yet, love has an essence that resists defining in any single way — it encompasses compassion, determination, tolerance, endurance, support, faith, and much more.

I'll share some experiences in this post about what I thought love was and what I think it is now.
Let's first get a general definition for this hard word called Love.

According to Wikipedia, "love" can refer to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes, ranging from interpersonal affection ("I love my lover") to pleasure ("I loved that meal"). It can refer to an emotion of a strong attraction and personal attachment. It can also be a virtue representing human kindness, compassion, and affection—"the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another". And it may describe compassionate and affectionate actions towards other humans, one's self or animals.

For the purpose of this post, love is used in the context of "an emotion of a strong attraction and personal attachment " to a particular individual.

Now that we have a general definition, let's proceed to my side of the story.
I had my first crush at a very young age. From what I can remember, each time I saw her, I always felt different. My heart always skipped a beat when she's nearby. This was in elementary school. As I grew up, I gradually became curious as to why I was attracted to her. I always wanted to talk to her, see her, help her out with stuff but I couldn't quite place where the attraction was coming from or what it was for. When she realized that I was showing a lot more attention to her than usual, she asked me one day, "Samuel, do u like me?". I nearly dropped dead on the spot. I looked to the floor and said "yes". That was the beginning of trouble for me. I could no longer stand her or any other girl. I became terribly shy. I started to gradually withdraw from associations that involved girls and hung out more with the guys. I played table tennis, video games etc just to stay away from them. Each time any girl called me by name I tend to cringe. And then I would respond absentmindedly just to get it over and done with.

I eventually got into high school and things weren't getting any better. This continued till I just about finished junior high. I wrote an essay and qualified for a 3 weeks camp in Abuja (Linking the Youths on Nigeria through eXchange LYNX 2004 ). Whilst there, I met Tamipiriye Emmanuel. That was the girl that showed me that girls don't bite (If you know her don't tell her this story o!). She was a very bright student and quite friendly too. Talking to her made it easy to talk to any other girl and gradually I loosened up. I met some other girls there in camp and knew practically ALL the guys. When I returned to Lagos 3 weeks after things had changed. I became a different person. That was when I realized that there were a lot of girls in the estate.

I suddenly picked up interest in another girl. She happened to be very shy. She always had a way of avoiding me but I was persistent. 

I was trying so hard to understand what I liked about her but I couldn't figure it out. I never did till we left the estate. It was 4 years later I heard from her again. 

Every single day that passed I wondered what caused the attraction. I had some other flings which I'll blog about some other day but in all I came to appreciate some very vital points:

1. Love is beyond physical/sexual attraction. That is called "lust"

2. Love is not domination or control.

3. Love doesn't solve the loneliness problem. You gotta fix that yourself

4. Love isn't selfish. It's not just about you anymore

5. Love isn't blind. Whilst you love people with their faults, it takes love to overlook the faults when they manifest.

6. Love isn't a tool for using people or binding them to your side; if you find yourself calling these actions "love," it may be a good idea to investigate what other people mean by love.

7. Love is unconditional. Now that is the most difficult to explain. You normally should love people without conditions attached. But being the mortals that we are, we love based on conditions. I love "my child". The child is yours that's why you love him/her.

Today, so many people get it wrong and as such they have their hearts shattered into many pieces and they always still love with the pieces. Our streets are filled with guys and girls with a catalog of experiences from failed relationships. They expected too much and got too little. Hollywood/NollyWood and romance stories didn't help. They made it worse. They made us feel inadequate. Almost every teenager and young adult fantasizes today about what it would be like to love and be loved in return. I cannot categorically state that I have had the best of experiences but I know for sure that to love and be loved in return is an amazing feeling. But you have to be careful. Always be with your thinking cap no matter what your emotions say. Ask yourself where your relationship is headed and what the goal is. If you don't know, my friend, please don't invest in it. When someone loves you they would be patient with you on the sex issue till the wedding bells. They wouldn't hit you. They'll respect your opinion. They'll absorb you into their family and circle of friends.

Warnings
1. Love isn't easy
2. Never seek to force love. You can try but you'll find fear, neediness and insecurity, not love. Love will come if you're willing to share love, to give of it freely and to expect nothing in return.
3. Be aware that creatively written or filmed romantic love is a thing of art in its own––mere mortals are recommended to see that romantic love has warts. The more expansively you view romantic love, the more accepting you are that romantic love isn't always ideal and the more certain you are about who you are and what matters to you in life, the more likely you'll be to find happiness in romance. Leave those rose colored glasses slightly lifted at all times!

It wasn't until this year that I gave it some serious thought after some sermons on it and realized that to confidently say you love someone is to accept the responsibility that comes with it. If you cannot deal with the responsibility of loving someone, feel free to hitch a ride back to where you were coming from.




Have a great day ahead!